Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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