Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
