I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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