I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
