I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
