Tell her she can't have a vagina
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
