My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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