Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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