You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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