...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
