Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize