gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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