So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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