my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
