So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
