Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
