i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
