First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
