I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
