I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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