I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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