Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
