Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
