This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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