you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
