ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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