That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
