why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
