Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
