a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
