Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
