At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
