I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
