remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
