I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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