I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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