Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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