I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
All the doctor said was why
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
