Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
