it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
