I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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