Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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