In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
