what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
zippers are such a cool invention
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
