I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
