i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
