I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
