i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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