The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I had to cum in my sink.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
