so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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