Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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