I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My liver just had a heart attack.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
