i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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