Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize