He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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