I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
