just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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