Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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