Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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