every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize