I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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