Rock
Scissors
Fuck
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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