Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
