Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize