His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
