Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
