I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
