the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
