Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
