Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
