Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
