Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
