PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize