A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's shark week go big or go home
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
