the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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