If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
