I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
