this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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