Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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