I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
