I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize