no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
