Buhtt sex?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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