I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
