If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
