I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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