Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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