i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
