So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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