my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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