Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
