Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
