we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize