I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
