if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
