I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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