Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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