wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
