sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
