The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
