I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
