The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just high enough for therapy.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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