That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
