i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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