So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
