We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize