I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
