he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
