By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
