Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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