I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
