there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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