dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize