Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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