I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
