Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
